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Kids' poetry improves reading and writing skills @ My Stories And Poems. Kids read stories, write poems, take lessons, and get critiques by published children's author, R. Renée Bembry.

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Examples of MyStoriesAndPoems Poetry Critiques 

Poetry Booklet Setup

 

Click to HERE view complete slide-show for setting up kids' Poetry Collection Booklet.

Examine Silly Mommy Critiques to get an idea of what to expect when she critiques your poems.

Original Version

 

Critiqued Version

Silly Mommy's Critique

 

jumping Jenny skipping along

suddenly felt something was wrong

so to the ground she looked real fast

and insect brown she saw move past


a grasshopper it had to be

with gross long legs and pointed knees

"a bug," she thought, "ew gross, oh no!"

 
liquid it spit like tobacco


extremely scared of bugs was she

a plan was made so quick-uh-ly

she put that insect on a stick

over the grass she gave a flick


it hopped away til out of sight

(so glad was she, it did not bite!)

back to the rope she went with cheer

no longer worried or in fear

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jumping jenny             4

Skipping along             4

Suddenly felt                4

Something was wrong   4

To the ground she        4

Looked real fast an      4

Insect brown she         4

Saw move passed       3

A grasshopper it          5


Had to be with             4

Gross long legs and     4

Pointed knees "Ew      4

Gross, oh no!"            3

"A bug," thought she   4

Liquid it spat               4

Like tobacco               4

Extremely scared        4

Of bugs was she         4

A plan she schemed   4

So quick-uh-ly            4

To put that insect      5

On a stick                3

Over the grass          4

Gave it a flick           4


It hopped away till     5

Out of sight              3

So glad was she it    5

Did not bite!             3


Back to the rope she   5

Went with cheer          3

No longer worried        5

Or in fear                   3 

 

Santina, this is a wonderful poem. It tells Jenny’s

story well and gives good insight to her feelings.

 

You can improve this poem by adding movement

to your syllabic pattern. Whereas you had a constant

8-line format going throughout the poem, the critiqued

version shows how changing that format with the use of

varying syllabic lines can improve the rhythm and add

spice to your poem.

The first two original lines had a nice beat. I split them

into four lines in order to emphasize that beat by

emphasizing the important words in the lines. Namely,

Jumping, Skipping, Suddenly, and Something. Notice

how natural the words flow off your tongue as if they

were meant to be where they are. 

Also notice the short 4-syllable line pattern was broken

up with a 3-syllable line before reaching verse 2.

With the exception of lines 1 and 5, verse 2 continues

the 4-syllable pattern. I transposed the order of the

words she thought in order to bring the reader back to

the brown she format you’d established in verse 1 line

3 (Line 7 in the Critiqued version.)

The virtual 4-syllable pattern continues in verse 3 with

the exception of lines 5 and 6. I changed the word made

to schemed because the hard c sound in schemed

coincided with the hard c in the word scared at the end

of line 1 and schemed is a more powerful word than the

word made. Since this is an important moment in the

poem, it’s better to emphasize it using a stronger verb.

I also changed the phrase she gave a to gave it a flick

because the latter phrase is more specific.

Verse four takes on a whole new form as far as the

syllabic pattern is concerned which is great since the

poem climaxed when Jenny flicked the grasshopper

in verse three and began to descend when the

grasshopper hopped away in the top of verse 4. The

syllabic line changes denote Jenny’s relief to be rid

of the bug and back to jumping rope.

Silly Mommy
MyStoriesAndPoems.com
December 29, 2006