Grasshopper Critique

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Silly Mommy's Grasshopper Poem Critique:

Theme-Story 1 Poem and Analysis - Lesson 2

“Grasshopper”

Verse 1

A grasshopper jumped on the sidewalk  {9}
While Jenny was skipping her rope   {8}
She kneeled to examine its thin wings {9}
And then she decided to grope   {8}

Verse 2

But when Jenny picked up the insect {9}
It driveled brown tobacco juice {8}
She didn’t want bug juice on her hand {9}
So she let the grasshopper loose {8}

Verse 3

Grasshopper’s long body   {6}
Antennae and eyes {5}
Fascinated Jenny   {6}
Though she’d put it down   {5}
She cared ‘bout its safety   {6}
And where it was at   {5}
It looked like a snack for   {6}
A dog or a cat   {5}

Notice the 9, 8, 9, 8

pattern in the first two

verses. This pattern

becomes the rhythm,

or beat, you hear when

you read the lines.

In verse 3 the pattern

has been changed to

add a different

rhythm. More than

one rhythm in a poem,

makes the poem more interesting to

read— especially out

loud! Try it.

Also, notice this verse

is eight lines compared

to four lines in the first

two verses. In this case,

making the verse longer

makes up for shortening

the lines.

Verse 4

Jenny pulled a twig from   {6}
The branch of a tree   {5}
Let insect climb on while {6}
She cropped on a knee   {5}
Then rushed to the backyard   {6}
Where grass was quite long   {5}
Held twig to the ground so   {6}
Bug friend could climb on   {5}
To a tall   {3}
Blade of grass   {3}
Shiny light green   {4}
Hopeful grass   {3}
Would make bug {3}
Harder to see {4}

Verse 5

Into the high grass   {5}
Bug-bug crawled from the stick {6}
Hiding and eating   {5}
Damp blades lush and thick   {5}

Notice verse 4 is

fourteen lines compared

to eight lines in the first

long verse. Some lines

are only three syllables

long. This makes it easier

to emphasize the words

Blade, Shiny, Hopeful,

and Harder. That means

these words are made to

sound more important

than they would sound

in a longer line.

See how the pattern

changes when the ninth line in the fourteen line verse drops to three syllables. This change prepares the reader for the shortest verse in the poem. And

then, the shortest verse brings the poem to a smooth ending.

For those who have written a Grasshopper poem, examine the poem I have written and then use the information you learn to reexamine your own poem.

If you sent your poem in for a critique, look over the suggestions I’ve given you in addition to examining this poem and reexamining your own.

Using the theme, Jenny’s fascination with a grasshopper, I decided to let Jenny save the bug because I like grasshoppers.

The information in the red boxes explains the basics of pattern and rhythm. Look it over so you can understand why I wrote the lines in the poem the way I did.

Here, I will talk about rhyming.

I personally like rhyming poems because I think they are more fun than free verse (poems that don’t have to rhyme). I like the challenge of finding the right words to make a poem rhyme and the word tricks you can play in the process.

The thing about rhymes is there are so many kinds of them. Take a look at the second verse of my Grasshopper poem. The words juice and loose have the same ending sound. The same is true for the words tree and knee in the fourth verse. These words are Perfect Rhymes. That means they have exactly the same ending sound. Try to find other perfect rhymes in the poem.

Now I will talk a little about Imperfect Rhymes. First of all, there are many kinds of Imperfect Rhymes. For that reason, I will, at least for now limit the topic to a few that appear in this poem.

Imperfect Rhymes are rhymes that do not sound exactly the same at the ends. Look at verse three. The words body, Jenny, and safety sound almost the same at the ends only because they all end with the vowel sound of the letter Y. However, the consonants that come before the letter Y in each word is different. This kind of rhyme is called a Slant Rhyme.

The words rope and grope are also known as Mirror Rhymes because the word rope is found after the letter G in grope. Can you find another mirror rhyme in the poem?

The word grass and grass show an example of an Identical Rhyme. Since the words are the same and they mean the same thing, this kind of rhyme is sometimes called Cheating.

Try to use some of these different kinds of rhymes when you write your poem for Lesson 3.

Use the information about patterns, and rhythm as well.

After you compare your Grasshopper Story-Poem idea with Silly Mommy's, you should rewrite your poem. If you haven't written a Grasshopper poem, write one now. If you would like help as to the best way to improve your poem, send your poem to Silly Mommy for a critique.

Although Silly Mommy gives free critiques to the first ten MEMBERS who write and submit poems about MyStoriesAndPoems Theme-Stories, and the Grasshopper Analysis has been posted, it's not too late to get a critique for a Grasshopper Theme-Story-Poem. Simply follow the directions on the Critique Page to get your critique.

Begin Poetry Workshop with Theme-Story 1 - Grasshopper

- Enter here if you haven't written your first Theme-Story-Poem.

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